Hypnosis
by A.L. Rules
Summary: Hyp-no-sis (noun): The induction of a state of consciousness in which a person apparently loses the power of voluntary action and is highly responsive to suggestion or direction. To Emmett Cullen, it sounded like a crock, a scam. Too bad no one told his mind that. For the Twilight Crime Crusaders Contest.


**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong solely to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**This was my second entry for the Twilight Crime Crusaders Contest. Again, I was blown away by the response. WINNER: 1st Place Judge's Vote (2-way tie); Judge's Pick, Snoopylover60; Judge's Pick shamatt0403; Best Gadget Award; and The Joker Award. Thanks to all who read, voted, and reviewed.**

**This one was an awful lot of fun to write. It was my unexpected entry - I climbed into bed one evening, and Emmett made me get up and write it. Two hours and 23 handwritten pages later (and a massive case of writer's cramp!), this baby was born. Many thanks to my beta, iadorepugs, and my pre-reader, athome Jo, for all their help and support!**

**No triggers, but I have been advised to warn you not to be drinking anything that you might spray on your computer monitor or phone. **

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"I don't really care whether you want to go or not, Emmett. It's your sister's birthday, and Alice has been dying to see Tia's show for ages. She bought the tickets, and we're all going, end of debate."

Emmett groaned. He would have rolled his eyes, but he wasn't a moody teenage girl. "Yeah, I know it's Alice's birthday, but this is so stupid. She wants to go see some dumb hypnotist? Hypnosis is nothing but hooey, something that only suggestible and weak-minded people are susceptible to."

Rose did roll her eyes; she loved her husband, but sometimes he was just a pain in the ass. Besides, she was looking forward to seeing world-renowned hypnotist Tia Sarafyan as much as Alice was. She even had one of her books that she was hoping Tia would sign. "Regardless of what you think, it's Alice's choice. You didn't hear anyone bitch when we went to the roller derby for your birthday last year."

"That's because the roller derby was awesome!" Emmett laughed. "Remember that chick that literally picked Edward up in the parking lot after?" He could still remember the look on his poor brother's face. They had been standing outside the rink, Edward unknowingly blocking the door, when one of the roller derby contestants literally lifted his 6'2" frame from the ground and moved him to the side. Emmett had nearly pissed himself laughing when petite little Bella stepped in and yelled at the woman for putting her hands on her husband, Her head had barely grazed the shoulder of the Amazon that pretty much looked Edward in the eye.

Rosalie sighed. She had the feeling tonight would be an interesting night, but then again, when wasn't it when you were married to Emmett Cullen?

An hour later, Emmett looked around the small auditorium. The place was packed, probably a couple hundred people here. In true Alice form, she had gotten them premium seats, right up front and just to the left of the stage. They were practically within spitting distance when Tia took the stage.

Emmett was surprised to find that she was young, probably in her mid-thirties like them. She had a slight accent, which she explained came from growing up in Egypt. She talked about her husband, Benjamin, who smiled and waved from the soundboard. Emmett thought he looked a little like that dude that played Freddy Mercury in the Queen movie Rose had dragged him to.

Tia asked the audience if anyone there had ever been hypnotized before. Emmett was surprised when Jasper raised his hand.

"Good, excellent. I'm glad to see it," Tia said, nodding as she looked around at the raised hands. "You sir," she pointed at Jasper. "Could you tell us about your experience?"

"Sure thing, ma'am. When I was in the army, I smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. Once I left the service, I tried every stop smoking technique out there – medication, nicotine patches, gum – but nothing worked. A friend suggested hypnosis, and after three sessions, I was able to quit smoking cold-turkey. I've been smoke free for ten years now," Jasper stated proudly, and the audience applauded.

"First of all, thank you for your service. And congratulations on being smoke-free, that's quite an accomplishment," Tia praised. "So you can see that hypnosis can be of great value health-wise."

Emmett didn't know about that. Jasper was one of those kind of guys that when he decided he was going to do something, he just put his mind to it and made it happen. Emmett was sure that was all it had been.

She asked a couple of other people about their hypnosis experiences. One woman used hypnosis to help her find a locket that she had hidden away years ago for safe keeping. Yet another said she used hypnosis in place of pain medication during labor.

Emmett snorted at that one. When Rose had been in labor, she had threatened to castrate not just Emmett, but every other man in the hospital, and that was with an epidural. No way some hocus-pocus crap was going to make that kind of pain go away.

Tia turned to look at Emmett. "I see we may have some skepticism here?"

Alice glared at Emmett, and he shook his head. "No ma'am, I was just clearing my throat. Please go on with your performance."

Tia moved to stand near the edge of the stage, right in front of their table. "You can be honest me with. I take it you have doubts about hypnosis?"

"Ow, Alice, knock it off," Emmett hissed as she pinched his leg. He turned his attention back to Tia, who was waiting for his response. "Well, yeah, I guess I am skeptical. I think it's pretty much a trick, a gimmick. You pick someone who wants to believe in what you do, someone who's suggestible, and you are able to convince them that you're doing something."

"So, someone with a weak mind? Like your friend here?" she asked, pointing to Jasper. The crowd oohed.

Great, now Jasper was glaring at him, too. "No ma'am. As a matter of fact, he's got one of the strongest minds I know. And I'm certain if he was determined to quit smoking, well, he'd just talk himself into it."

"Interesting. Would you mind joining me up on stage, Mr...?"

"Cullen, Emmett Cullen. Look, I don't wanna interrupt your performance..."

"Please, I'd love to get to know you better. Who here would like to see Mr. Cullen join me on stage?"

The auditorium filled with applause, his table louder than any of the others. Now it was his turn to glare at them. Both Alice and Rose nudged him, and he reluctantly got up. He climbed the stairs to the stage, standing awkwardly by Tia's side. She was tiny, almost as small as Alice, and she smiled up at him.

"Welcome to the stage, Mr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Emmett," he said, returning her smile.

"Very well then, Emmett. It's a pleasure to meet you. So, you don't really believe in what I do, in hypnosis, right?"

Emmett shrugged. "Sorry, but no, I don't."

Tia nodded. "It's quite all right; a lot of people start out that way. What can I do to convince you?"

He shrugged again. "I'm afraid I'm a bit of a hard sell."

"What do you do for a living, Emmett?"

"I'm a cop, a detective actually."

"Ah, so only the cold, hard facts for you, right Detective Cullen?"

Emmett nodded. "Exactly. Look, I'm sure you put on a good show. My sister Alice and my wife Rose have been talking about coming here for weeks, Rosie's read your book a couple of times even, but it's not something that's going to work on someone like me."

"Oh, I think maybe I can surprise you, Emmett. Let me ask you a question—do you have a favorite superhero?"

"Huh?"

"You know, a comic book character, or someone from television or the movies? Maybe you were a fan in your childhood?"

"Batman!" Rosalie yelled.

"Batman?" Tia asked.

"He was obsessed with the comics when we were kids, he read them over and over," Alice added.

"Batman? Sure I can work with that," Tia murmured. She gestured to a stool on the stage. "Emmett, would you mind sitting on that stool and closing your eyes?"

Emmett suddenly felt a little nervous. "Why?"

Tia smiled. "I'm just going to have you sit there with your eyes closed, and I'm going to ask you to picture something. That's all; I'm not going to touch you, I'll just talk, okay?"

"Oh, I'm not sure..." Emmett trailed off, hesitant.

The crowd started murmuring encouragement, and then he heard Edward call him a chicken. He glared at his younger brother and discreetly flipped him off. Several people laughed; maybe he hadn't been so discreet.

Tia continued to smile at him. "You've got nothing to worry about, right? With your strong mind, surely nothing I say will have an effect on you. It's only if you want to believe, that's what you said, right?"

"I didn't mean any offense," Emmett mumbled.

Tia laughed. "I'm not offended at all, Emmett. Let's just give this a try, shall we?"

Emmett shrugged his shoulders again and thought why not? He sat on the stool.

Tia slowly snapped her fingers as she spoke. "All right, Emmett. Close your eyes, and breathe deep for me. Focus on the sound of my voice."

It was surprisingly quiet in the auditorium as Emmett listened to her words, her snapping fingers a soothing rhythm.

"Picture yourself ready for work, Emmett. You've got everything you need: your badge, your handcuffs, your gun. Picture your office—your desk, your workspace. Can you see it?"

Emmett nodded.

"Now imagine your workspace is in the Batcave. Picture Alfred there, and Robin, and Batgirl."

"She was so hot," Emmett said aloud, and the crowd laughed.

"Can you see it? Are you picturing it, Emmett? Now picture yourself as Batman."

He felt ridiculous, but he forced himself to form the mental picture. He imagined himself as Batman—not the hokey Adam West version, but the kick-ass Christian Bale one with all the armor and muscles and the tech and the car. He imagined Alice as Robin, Jasper as Alfred, and Rose as Batgirl, with some seriously sexy thigh-high leather boots.

He was so focused on his vision that he didn't catch the words that Tia whispered in his ear, and then he heard her snap her fingers three times. "Open your eyes, Emmett, and tell us what you see."

He looked at Tia, who was smiling up at him expectantly. He glanced over at his table. Alice was literally on the edge of her chair, while Rose sat back in hers, looking a little perplexed.

"Emmett?" Tia prompted. "What do you see?"

"Well, I see you, and the stage, and my wife and family over there. I see your husband working the sound board. I see the auditorium."

Tia's shoulders sagged a little bit, and she gave Emmett a sad look. "Oh, I guess that you were right, Emmett – it must not have worked on you."

Emmett smirked. "Sorry, Tia."

"It's quite all right – thanks for being such a good sport. Everyone, please give a warm round of applause for Emmett Cullen."

Emmett found the rest of the show quite enjoyable. Tia invited several other individuals to the stage, including Alice. Emmett laughed along with everyone else when his sister spun like a top every time Tia said the word "circle," even getting up from their table once she'd returned to the audience when the word was spoken. Edward was less amused when Tia had him clucking like a chicken every time she asked him a question, which was probably Emmett's highlight of the evening. It was payback for Edward calling him a chicken, and he would get so much mileage out of that one.

After the show was done, Tia beckoned their group over, and thanked them for coming. They all posed with her as Benjamin took a photograph with Alice's cell phone, and she even signed Rosalie's book.

Tia talked to Jasper for a few minutes, and Jasper was all smiles when he rejoined the group and suggested they move on to the second part of their evening: post-show dinner reservations at Alice's favorite restaurant.

The restaurant was only a block away, so they all walked over together. Once settled at a table, Emmett ordered a beer and sat back, listening as everyone discussed the show.

"Did you like it, Emmett? I mean, it was no roller derby, but it was fun, right?" Alice demanded.

"Yes, Pix, it was fun. Watching you spin around like a demented ballerina was great entertainment. And Edward clucking, well... that was just brilliant."

"Asshole," Edward muttered. Emmett laughed and clucked back, waving his arms like he was doing the chicken dance. He laughed even louder when Edward flipped him off.

"So, Batman, Emmett?" Jasper asked, raising an eyebrow.

For some reason Emmett felt defensive. "Yeah, so?"

"Like na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman?"

The room seemed to shimmer and dim for a moment, and Emmett closed his eyes and shook his head to rid himself of the sensation. He opened his eyes again, confused by the scene around him. What was going on? He turned to Jasper. "Alfred, what are we doing here?"

Jasper looked surprised. "You know we're here for Alice's birthday, Emmett. Who the hell is Alfred?"

Emmett looked at him oddly. "Who is Alfred? Hilarious. Who's Emmett?"

"Ha ha, Emmett, you're the funny one," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

"Again, who is Emmett, Dick?"

"You're Emmett, and you're the dick," Jasper laughed.

"You aren't making any sense. You're Alfred," he said, pointing to Jasper, "you're Dick," he pointed to Alice, "and I'm Bruce."

"Bruce who?" Rosalie asked.

Emmett turned and gave his wife a friendly smile. "Oh Barbara, hello, I didn't realize you were here. What do you mean Bruce who? I'm Bruce Wayne, of course."

"Damn, it worked," Alice breathed, exchanging glances with Edward and Bella.

"What worked? What are you talking about, Dick?"

"Why do you keep calling me a dick?" Alice asked.

"I don't understand what's going on here, why is everyone so confused? I'm not calling you names, I'm saying your name. You're Dick Grayson, my young ward," Emmett said. Alice's eyes got very wide, and she slapped her hand over her mouth to hold in her laughter.

"So Jasper's Alfred, and Alice is Robin," Edward mused.

"Commissioner Gordon, what a pleasure to see you out and about in Gotham City tonight, sir," Emmett said, extending his hand to Edward.

Edward stared at Emmett's hand, pausing a moment before offering his own. The two shared a hearty handshake. "Uh, good to see you too, Bruce. This is my wife, er..."

"Barbara Gordon, of course. Splendid to see you again as well, ma'am. You've met my manservant, Alfred, and my young ward, Dick," Emmett made the introductions between them.

Jasper snorted indignantly, while Bella's eyes were bright with mirth. "Of course, Mr. Wayne, it's a pleasure to see you again."

"Please, call me Bruce," Emmett invited graciously. He turned to Rosalie. "Barbara, you didn't mention that your parents would be joining us this evening."

Rose was staring at her husband, wide-eyed and mouth agape. "What the hell is going on, Emmett? Are you seriously pretending to be Batman?"

Emmett's eyes widened in horror. "Barbara! Where is your discretion? We mustn't reveal our secret identities. Your parents are here," he whispered furiously, gesturing to Edward and Bella.

"Yeah, mom and dad, right," Rose snapped sarcastically.

"Wait!" Alice shouted, pointing at Rosalie. "If I'm Dick Grayson, and you're Barbara Gordon—I meant the younger Barbara Gordon, not to be confused with her mother—does that mean that you're my girlfriend?" She started giggling.

Jasper side-eyed Alice. "Looks like Emmett's not the only one that read those comics as a kid," he muttered. "How come you get to be Robin the Boy Wonder, Rose gets to be Batgirl, and I'm Alfred the manservant?" Everyone but Emmett laughed at Jasper's sullen outburst.

Emmett was practically apoplectic. "Alfred, again I must ask you for discretion. The Gordons are here."

"Oh, no worries, Bruce, we know all about your secret identity as Batman. We know that Ros...er... our daughter Barbara is Batgirl, and that Al...Dick is Robin," Bella played along, hoping she got the relationships right. Comics really were more of an Edward and Emmett thing. And apparently an Alice thing, too.

"How could you possibly know that?" Emmett demanded. "Our identities are closely guarded secrets!"

"Well, you know how they say, 'I'm not saying I'm Batman, but Batman and I have never been seen in the same room together,'" Bella fumbled for and explanation, her eyes pleading with Edward for help.

"I've never heard anyone say that," Emmett argued.

Edward stepped in. "Well Em... Bruce, you and Batman have never been seen together, so we just, uh, figured it out. I mean, I **am** the police commissioner, I've got a good nose for mysteries, and there's no bigger mystery than who is the Batman. Besides, our daughter is Batgirl," Edward said, patting Rosalie on the arm.

"Jesus Christ, don't bring me into this," Rosalie mumbled, rubbing her temples. "I still don't understand what the hell is going on here."

"Tia must have given him a post-hypnotic suggestion," Alice said, studying her older brother. His mannerisms, even his posture, were different, as though he truly thought he was the caped crusader. He had the mumble down perfectly.

Jasper nodded, and whispered, "Tia told me the phrase to use to put him under." He hummed the theme song from the original Batman television series.

Edward grinned wickedly, sensing a chance for retribution for the chicken comments. He leaned toward Emmett, and in his best "police commissioner" voice, he said, "I'm glad that we ran into you this evening, Bruce. I'm afraid I've just received some terrible news—Oswald Cobblepot has escaped from the Arkham Asylum."

Emmett jumped up. "The Penguin has escaped? We must mobilize." He pointed to Jasper, "Alfred, please make the arrangements." He then turned to Rosalie and Alice, "Batgirl, Robin, to the Batcave."

Everyone at the table except for Rosalie burst out laughing.

Emmett was furious. "Gotham City is in danger, and you are all just sitting here..."

Rosalie started snapping her fingers like Tia had done, but it had no effect. "Emmett, wake up. Damn it, it's not working. Jasper, how do I bring him out?"

Jasper shrugged his shoulders, his grin wide. "Tia told me how to put him under, not how to wake him up. Who cares, this shit is hilarious!"

"Barbara, we must make haste," Emmett argued. "The Penguin could be anywhere by now, and we need to round him up before he harms any of the innocent citizens of Gotham City."

As amused as Bella was by the situation—after all, who knew that Edward and Emmett even knew the Penguin's real name?—she could see that Rose was upset. "Rose, check the book – didn't Tia sign it?"

Rosalie dug the book out of her bag and opened to the title page. _Rose, I'm sorry, but I just couldn't resist having a little fun. To bring Emmett out of hypnosis, repeat the phrase below, and snap your fingers three times. Love, Tia._

Emmett was trying to flag down the waiter, and making his apologies to Edward and Bella, intent on making his exit. Rose slammed the book down, and Emmett turned to her.

"What is it, Barbara?"

"Holy hypnosis, Batman!" Rosalie shouted, snapping her fingers three times.

The room shimmered and faded again, and Emmett closed his eyes briefly. He blinked slowly, startled to find everyone staring at him expectantly. "What?"

"Emmett?" Rose asked cautiously.

This time he did roll his eyes. "Duh, babe. Who were you expecting, Batman?"

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**Hope you enjoyed this little story of mine! Please leave me your thoughts and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!**


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